Words – Original Song by Mia Savant


This new song has been simultaneously the easiest and yet most difficult to create. The meaning of the song is so deeply personal to me that It was a struggle to get it just right.

Most of the abuse that I have encountered in my life was not obvious abuse. A good portion of it was subtle and quiet. So subtle at times that it was masked as helpfulness or love. It didn’t make me hate my abusers, but rather, they made me hate myself. Their soft, seemingly insignificant words lingered in my head and created a self-deprecating dialog. Cruel words that I would never tell another person in a million years became my personal mantra. I believed any insult given to me as valid. Feeling “less than” was not just a moment, but a state of being. Finding my flaws in any given situation was my superpower, and the only thing I could feel confident about.

When I went on my journey to break free of abuse, it took me a long time to realize that it was so much more than physically separating myself from abusers, because I was now a victim of my own mind. They didn’t need to be around anymore because their damaging words floated in my head with each and every new moment I encountered. I was just as tormented as I was before because I had become the words that I hated so much. I loathed the self-loathing, but it was now fully embedded in my programing that there was no me without it. So, the very nature of pursuing freedom was a painful deconstruction, because these pillars of myself, even if I could destroy them, had to be replaced. This posed a new problem of finding what to replace it with. It was an internal war, and at times, an external one with the people who either didn’t understand or continued to abuse me.

Over time, as I grew in emotional strength, I became something different. I recreated myself, rather than being the person that was imposed upon me. The effects of abuse that had my own mind attacking itself no longer imprisoned me. It’s not that the words went away completely, but rather, when they do come up, I now know how to fight them. Learning those tools and skills have been essential to finding real peace in my heart.

This song is about this battle that’s been inside me for so long. It was the war against myself long after the war with others was over. It has taken a long time and a lot of hard work to even be able to have the courage to write it and share it.

Thank you for listening, and I want to encourage you if you struggle with self-deprecation as result of abuse, to challenge it and fight it. Don’t accept it as life, but rather make your own journey of finding your own strength.

-Mia Savant


Lyrics:

How do I let go

Of these words

I swear they’ve burned

Into my skull

I’ve etched them so deeply

In the walls of my heart

Maybe I don’t want to part

With them at all

I am no one

I am nothing

I am inadequate

I bring nothing but

Embarrassment

To me….

How do I strip

Away

These words

Of hate

I can’t shake this feeling

That I don’t belong

And that I’m always wrong

No matter what

How I long to be free

Wish that I

Could accept me unconditionally

But I just can’t

It’s so much more than I’m not enough

It’s that every act is wasted breath

Oh, this badge of honor, posed humility

Is a twisted mask of a bully

Starring me…..

How do I strip

Away

These words

Of hate

I will

Break

My own bones

My own bones

and

I will

Create

My own form

My own form

cuz

I will strip away

These words

These words

Of hate

Courageous & Other Poetry and Music by Tim Kahl

Still Shining

Tim Kahl adds flare to his poetry by setting it to music! Each musical piece is designed to match the essence of the poetry. Take some time to come listen and appreciate the delightful combination!


Courageous

I always thought brave ideas

   were likely sent from heaven.

Kind of like a monarchy,

   but without all the pageantry.

I was wrong. They’re brushed with the devil’s tar.

   They live amid suspicion.


A Minefield

A minefield of sleeping dogs.

   No place to step without a yelp.

It’s like learning to walk on stilts

   with something precious at stake.

Yo-ho-ho. I’m the Jolly Green Giant.

   I tiptoe but inspire trust.


A Pleasure

Is it wrong to eat your own skin?

    I suppose if you’re that hungry . . .

You can chew it, then spit it out.

   That’s a pleasure. Just don’t swallow.

Think safety. Stop before you have none left.

   You can’t go out uncolored.


The Lefse Lady

Do you know the lefse lady?

   Her apron flies as kitchen flag.

Her country is lit by hot griddle.

   Quick, rice the potatoes now.

Butter them with love or stick to brown sugar.

   Hey. Could she still be alive?


When I Come Home

What, what, what, Miss Wigglebutt?

   Always so glad when I come home.

Does daddy have a biscuit?

   Does he have a juicy bone?

Cut. Cut. Cut. You’re talking like an idiot.

   Need not say a thing. She already knows.


The Licorice

Dogs don’t like the licorice.

   Still they beg for some in my hand.

What the hell is wrong with them?

   Are they that bored? It’s just habit?

Lick my foot, you furry sycophant.

   Is this how dogs befriended men?


Artist Statement:

The Korean Sijo is an antiquated form in Korean poetry that was prominent in the late fourteenth to early fifteenth century. It was typically sung (each line containing four metric segments —what are called hemistichs—with a minor pause at the end of the second segment and a major one at the end of the fourth).

The syllable count proceeds as such:

3/4     4      3/4        4

3/4     4      3/4        4

3       5-8       4        3/4

a logical “leap is employed at the beginning of the third line. Or sometimes this gap/caesura takes shape as a developmental shift. Not unlike the Italian volta in the last two lines of a sonnet, it is considered the crux of the poem. Often there are interjections at the beginning of the third line which address a particular person.

These sijo are designed to not be reflective of the traditional content of the fifteenth century form which reflected largely on nature. Rather, they comment on the texture of contemporary life.

I am doing a series of these smaller poems to explore various tones of this short form. They vary from American conversational styles of being rather entertaining and breezy and European conversational styles which are cautious but aim for something meaningful. The ones here are from the latter group.


Artist:

Tim Kahl [http://www.timkahl.com] is the author of Possessing Yourself (CW Books, 2009), The Century of Travel (CW Books, 2012) The String of Islands (Dink, 2015) and Omnishambles (Bald Trickster, 2019). His work has been published in Prairie Schooner, Drunken Boat, Mad Hatters’ Review, Indiana Review, Metazen, Ninth Letter, Sein und Werden, Notre Dame Review, The Really System, Konundrum Engine Literary Magazine, The Journal, The Volta, Parthenon West Review, Caliban and many other journals in the U.S. He is also editor of Clade Song [http://www.cladesong.com]. He is the vice president and events coordinator of The Sacramento Poetry Center. He also has a public installation in Sacramento {In Scarcity We Bare The Teeth}. He plays flutes, guitars, ukuleles, charangos and cavaquinhos. He currently teaches at California State University, Sacramento, where he sings lieder while walking on campus between classes.

AOC – Original Music by Acoustic Librarian

Still Shining

The Acoustic Librarian has written a new song about a politician he admires! Within a world where political debates can get pretty heated online, he shows us a kind way to be supportive while having his voice heard. Go take a look!


Lyrics:

She that Fox News loves to hate
And Republicans underestimate
‘Til they’re shut down in a Twitter debate!

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez,
Freshman Congresswoman,
Face of the Democratic Party,
So says the chosen one.

Part of a squad that’s taken some blame,
Asked to go back from where they came,
Even though she was born in New York
Like another famous name…

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez,
She’s an American, too!
Though she may have darker skin
And a different opinion than you.

Strong are her political gifts.
A presidential run is still a “what if”…
She’s only two months older
Than Taylor Swift!

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez,
Shake off the words of your foes!
Some can see that AOC
Spells “trouble” for the status quo.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez,
Freshman Congresswoman,
Face of the Democratic Party,
So says the chosen one.


Artist:

Acoustic Librarian is a songwriter, open mic performer and technology librarian. He lives in Southern California with his wife and their two cats.

Follow This Artist:

Instagram: @acousticlibrarian
Twitter: @AcousticLBR

The Warthog from Hell – Song by Acoustic Librarian

A Dash of Whimsy Series –

Come view this musical entertainment by the Acoustic Librarian! Lyrics full of whimsy if I’ve ever seen it!


Lyrics:

THE WARTHOG FROM HELL

I fell asleep reading and had a strange dream,
From studying Milton and too much ice cream.
I found that I stood in a fiery place,
When out of the darkness came a horrible face!

A warthog from hell!  I see it and flee,
But looking behind, see it running for me!
I feel it gaining; I hear the loud snorts!
To be chased by a warthog, life’s just too short!

I raced through the brimstone pursued by the hog,
And nearly tripped over a three-headed dog!
The swine at my heels was threatening death!
But could that be worse than the smell of its breath?

I spotted a palace by sulphurous lakes,
And stepped through the door to a room full of snakes!
Giant ones, hissing; I’d no place to hide!
And toward me they slithered till the hog ran inside.

A snake shouted “bacon!”  The hog gave a wheeze;
One serpent wrapped round him and started to squeeze!
The swine was dragged, squealing, to flames just outside.
I judged from the sizzle, the hog was being fried!

My watch began beeping; I soon was awake,
Back in my room and away from large snakes!
Sleep that inspires: Less strange now it seemed;
I doubt though if Milton could ever have dreamed…

Of a warthog from hell!  I see it and flee,
But looking behind, see it running for me!
I feel it gaining; I hear the loud snorts!
To be chased by a warthog, life’s just too short!


Artist:

 Acoustic Librarian is a songwriter, open mic performer and technology librarian.

Follow This Artist:

Follow him on Twitter at @AcousticLBR

Online Open Mic – Call For Submissions

My Dearest Ponderbots,

We have got quite a lineup developing for the March Online Open Mic, so start getting your dancing shoes on because it’s going to be a ball!

If you were debating whether or not you should participate, let me settle the debate because the answer is: “YES!” There’s still time to send your submissions and the time is now.

See below for guidelines and I’ll see you soon!

Submission Guidelines:

1. Send your art of any kind (poems, music, drawings, paintings, videos, or any medium of creativity!). It can be of any genre or topic.

(Disclaimer: Submissions that include hate, discrimination, or inappropriate content will not be accepted).

2. Include a picture of yourself or any photo that you feel represents yourself as an artist.

3. Include any bios, links to your work, or social media sites that you would like to be shared.

4. Email your submission to Mia Savant at pondersavant@gmail.com with the subject line: Online Open Mic.

5. Follow the blog site www.pondersavant.com. If you have Facebook or Instagram follow there as well @pondersavant.

6. Spread the word! Let other artists know about the Online Open Mic by your social media sites or word of mouth!

Deadline for submission is February 29th, 2020

Love Starts With You – Closing

I want to end this love season with a song I wrote a while back about self empowerment and self love.

It’s taken me a long time to learn how to truly take care of myself emotionally and I’m still learning each day. Before, I struggled with being codependent, desperately trying to make others happy because I thought that they mattered more than myself. In return I found so many times that my efforts were either unappreciated, or I became a doormat to other people’s wishes and expectations.

This used to make me feel out of control, leaving me feeling like a victim to my suffering. Most people didn’t even know about it because I was too afraid to hurt someone’s feelings by telling them I wasn’t okay.

It has helped me so much to recognize that it’s okay to take care of myself and my emotional needs. In doing so I am able to not be a victim, but properly disperse where I have control and where I don’t, while being at peace with both. Ironically, taking care of myself first made me realize I was much better at giving to others after doing so. It allowed me to authentically say yes to others rather than giving that fake smile of acceptance.

I wrote this song to reflect my change in mindset and give myself that self care.

This series had so many powerful perspectives to ponder and I hope you are feeling as charged up as I am! Thank you to all of the artists who participated!

Also, stay tuned for next month’s series! If you’d like to be a part of it, go check out the Call For Submissions: https://pondersavant.com/2020/01/31/call-for-submissions-online-open-mic-march-2020/

-Mia Savant

Call For Submissions – Love Starts With You

Call For Submissions for my February series, Love Starts With You.

Any form of creativity is welcome! (Poetry, music, paintings, photography, etc.)

Work will be displayed on my blog: http://www.pondersavant.com.

Deadline: February 1st, 2020

This February, my blog is going to be focused on loving one’s self, self care, taking care of oneself first or oxygen-mask-on-first type concepts.

Submission Guidelines:

1. Send your art of any kind (poems, music, drawings, paintings, videos, photography, or any medium of creativity!). Topic should be about loving one’s self, self care, self worth, etc.

2. Include a picture of yourself or any photo that you feel represents yourself as an artist.

3. Include any links to your work or social media sites that you would like to be shared.

4. Email your submission to Mia Savant at pondersavant@gmail.com with the subject line: Love Starts With You

5. Follow the blog site www.pondersavant.com. If you have facebook or Instagram follow there as well @pondersavant.

6. Finally, don’t forget to share www.pondersavant.com on your social media!

Deadline: February 1st, 2020

Caspar de Gelmini – Ponder Away


About the Pieces:

Caspar de Gelmini: Objects and Cells, 9′ 30″, 2019 In my work “Objects and Cells 3” I have dealt with grasses. The piece was created 2018-19 in the Botanical Garden in Berlin. After my Music Degrees, I started a doctoral thesis, which deals with generative grammar and syntax, connected with music. It has inspired me in particular to form syntactic connections and typologies of grasses. In a further step, I then alienated them with algorithms and filters. The result is complex, surrealistic structures. The violin is alienated by filters, but also by experimental playing techniques. I was particularly interested in how to create syntactical relationships between image and sound. The result is an audiovisual composition that is neither music nor film , most likely sound art

www.caspardegelmini.de

Artist:

Caspar de Gelmini studied after a preparatory training in composition in Berlin at the University for Music and performing Arts Rostock where he obtained his baccalaureate exam. He then studied until his Diploma Examination at the University for Music Franz Liszt in Weimar. He took postgraduate Studies at the University Mozarteum Salzburg as well as a Master degree from the State University of Music and Performing Arts in Stuttgart. During his studies he was Exchange Student at the Royal College of Music in Stockholm, at the University for Music in Basel, at the Conservatoire national supérieur de musique et de danse de Paris and at the IRCAM. His teachers majoring in composition were: Helmut Zapf, Peter Manfred Wolf, Michael Obst, Annette Schlünz, Pär Lindgren, Karin Rehnqvist, Georg Friedrich Haas, Michel Roth (music theory), Tristan Murail, Marco Stroppa, Frédéric Durieux and Hèctor Parra. He was a finalist and winner of the Weimar Spring Festival Award (2005, 2007), winner of the BMW Composition Prize of Musica Viva in Munich (2008, 2010), winner of the Reading Panel IRCAM (Manifeste 2012; Cursus 2014) and a finalist in the OE1 Talentebörse composition prize in Austria (2013). Scholarships: Gerda and Luigi Prade Foundation, Oscar and Vera Ritter Foundation, Friedrich Naumann Foundation for Liberty, Studienstiftung des deutschen Volkes, German Academic Exchange Service. Since 2007, his works are published by Verlag Neue Musik Berlin. He worked with the Bavarian Radio Symphony Orchestra, the Ensemble Intercontemporain, Ensemble Recherche, IRCAM Centre Pompidou, Work in Progress Berlin, Ensemble Phorminx Darmstadt, Ensemble Junge Musik Berlin and many others.

This Year – A Christmas Song

How is your Christmas going? Are you feeling in the spirit? Are you feeling very non-Christmasy and can’t wait to open presents and be done?

Whatever you are feeling, I hope you at the very least are surrounded by people who get you, and you feel supported by.

Most years I am very delayed in getting into the Christmas spirit. It usually turns out to be more of a mad dash the week or two before when the Christmas lightbulb finally goes off in my head.

This year I have been much less of a grinch about it and embraced the season as soon as Thanksgiving came to a close. I must say, it’s been much more peaceful. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not any further ahead in my preparations, it’s still a mad dash. But mentally I feel like I’ve had more of a seasonal experience.

I think holidays are difficult to enjoy for a lot of us because of the expectations it brings. The expectation to be happy, to feel like the difficulties in life should somehow not exist right now. Expectations that things should be a certain way or have a certain feel.

I decided I wanted to write a Christmas song, but one with the reality of the full scope of life. Still hopeful, still striving for all the goodness that we want to get out of celebrating the joy of life, but one that speaks to those of us who can’t focus solely on the cheeriness.

So, to those who need this right now, I hope you enjoy my new song, ‘This Year’: