My Wasted Ticket Sits Homeless in My Pocket by Melissa Sussens

Carpe Diem Series

As we continue to wade through these strange times, we embrace the importance of time with our loved ones. Melissa Sussens tenderly writes of this, and brings to life those micro moments with her family. She sweetly takes in the memories and holds on to them to carry her through with hope and appreciation.

My Favorite Line: “Phone calls and messages do not ring the same,
they cannot fill the emptiness that my longing
leaves in me.”


My Wasted Ticket Sits Homeless in My Pocket

A doctor, an engineer and a teacher
all failed at calculating time accurately –
we left when we should have arrived.
Arrived to a sealed gate of disappointment.
In that moment I considered leaving
my bags behind. The strength of my longing
enough to levitate me to another plane
where I do not need pyjamas, underwear or
self respect, if I can only have my mother.
Missing home stains the air with a melancholic taste.
My wasted ticket sits homeless in my pocket,
it rattles there in all the space
that separates me from those I love.
For five months I have been missing
my mother’s wild gesticulating hands,
my father’s excitement over whatever new succulent
he has added to his garden. I have imagined
the way he will drag me out to see it, still in my slippers.
I will not feel the stab of the uneven ground
through my wonder at this version of home,
my home. I am missing my mom’s lasagne
and the comfort of her almost spilling over
cups of Earl Grey tea. I am longing for
the hours of conversation on the couch,
our walks in the mountains turned breathless
by the hills and calendar days revisited together.
Phone calls and messages do not ring the same,
they cannot fill the emptiness that my longing
leaves in me. I cannot replace the scratch
of my father’s stubble as he kisses me on the cheek.
I cannot dream the solace of my mother’s bones
beside me in bed in the morning light.
I know I will never miss another flight again.


Artist:

Melissa Sussens is a queer veterinarian and poet from South Africa. Her work has appeared in Capsule StoriesAnti-Heroin ChicHorse Egg Literary and Germ Magazine, among others and she was runner up for the New Contrast National Poetry Prize. She lives in Cape Town with her partner and their two dogs and can be found on Instagram @melissasussens and on Twitter @girlstillwrites.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s