Adorably Horror Series – Allison Fradkin
GHOST-IT NOTES
SYNOPSIS
When it comes to ghosting, Tori has a habit of going to town. Which is why she ends up in Ghost Town, where she is taunted, daunted, and haunted by her ex-girlfriend Cassandra. Will the reconnection spark a resurrection of their relationship? Or will Tori insist on remaining a ghost about-town?
CHARACTERS
TORI
any age
female-identifying or non-binary
open ethnicity
witty and gritty, flirtatious and vivacious
CASSANDRA
any age
female-identifying or non-binary
open ethnicity
classy and brassy, testy and zesty
SETTING
Purgatory (sort of).
TIME
The present.
At rise, CASSANDRA is present—and primed for a confrontation. TORI enters.
CASSANDRA
There you are! I’ve been waiting. Not for you. Anymore. I’ve been waiting tables. That’s short for I’ve been waiting to turn the tables—on you. What’s the matter? Do I look like I’ve seen a ghost? Well, good, I should—because I did. You look similarly spooked, which is astronomically asinine, because I’m no ghost. I’m Cass.
TORI
That isn’t short for Casper?
CASSANDRA
Well, I am friendly. However, I am not comparably colorless, bigheaded, or prone to fright or flight. You don’t recognize me, do you? Can’t put a name with efface? Specifically, with someone who’s effacing you? No surprise there. You are, after all, beyond the pale.
TORI
As in the pallor typically associated with apparitions?
CASSANDRA
No, no. Beyond the pale isn’t short for anything, although it does bring you up short, doesn’t it?
TORI
Not for long. Speaking of bad timing, am I not long for this world? Or am I just, you know, dead to the world?
CASSANDRA
The world? Please. This is a guilt trip, Tori, not an ego trip. I’m afraid you’re just dead to me. And countless others.
TORI
(flirtatiously) So…do you see dead people?
CASSANDRA
I am not, have never been, and never will be that desperate.
TORI
But I am a ghost and you are seeing me—for observational purposes. Is that accurate?
CASSANDRA
Well, this certainly isn’t where you go when you die…al [dial]. Or text. Or even email. This is where you go when you…go without saying.
TORI
Saying what?
CASSANDRA
Good-bye? Hello! Welcome to Ghost Town. There’s a new sheriff in it. Put ’er there, former pardner.
TORI
No, thanks. My hands are shaking enough as it is. Cass, if you’re trying to scare the crap outta me—
CASSANDRA
Not the crap, Tori. The crappiness. I too have undergone a successful disrespectomy, so I speak—and critique—from experience.
TORI
You were a ghost?
CASSANDRA
In a past life. Now that you’re finally here, it’s time for me to pass on—what I’ve learned.
TORI
We could always share the shame.
CASSANDRA
Sorry, toots, this is a one-ghost town.
TORI
And I’m the Town Ghost?
CASSANDRA
Which, by default, also makes you the Village Idiot. It takes a village to raze—that’s r-a-z-e, FYI—a childish ghost.
TORI
The other vengeful villagers are where, exactly? Waiting under tables at the Motel 666? Come on, pitchfork ’em over and let’s get whatever this is over with.
CASSANDRA
You’re not in hell, you little devil. You’re in Purge-a-Tori.
TORI
Purgatory.
CASSANDRA
Much like the ghosted—or the ghostee, if the ghoster would prefer—“purg” is nonexistent. That’s why we’re going to purge a Tori. This is your chance to expiate your execrable treatment of your exes.
TORI
Atone it down, would you?
CASSANDRA
Scarecrow.
TORI
What’s that short for? Scared to eat crow?
CASSANDRA
Yes.
TORI
I’m not scared. I just have a lot of exes and therefore a lot of…owes. Exes to whom I owe an apology. And why, out of all of them, have you come back to haunt me?
CASSANDRA
You want a comeback to haunt you? All right. You may have been the one to leave me hanging, but I’m the one that got away.
TORI
So this is all a revenge fantasy?
CASSANDRA
Bingo, bozo. And it’s all yours. I see right through you, Tori. Well, not like that. You’ve been pulling this out of sight/out of mind crap for how many years? Well, you know how long it’s been and, more importantly, you now know how wrong it’s been. You feel—what was the word you used—shame?
TORI
Yes, I regret the way I ended things—
CASSANDRA
You didn’t end anything. You deserted a ’ship that wasn’t even sinking—’ship being short for relationship, of course. One minute you were dating me, the next you were invalidating me.
TORI
I know, and I’m sorry. But it never would’ve worked.
CASSANDRA
It was working. Until you quit.
TORI
I had to. What I did was despicable, okay? But it was also preemptive, precautionary—
CASSANDRA
Preposterous?
TORI
You would have fired me eventually.
CASSANDRA
Why? So you could collect un-enjoyment? That would have put me out of work too.
TORI
Are you saying I sabotaged everything for nothing?
CASSANDRA
Everything with everyone—but none more so than The One That Got Away. All caps, all that—
TORI
All in? I’m ready to give up the ghost…ing. It’s time to purge the Tori who never thought twice about being thoughtless but who always had second thoughts about herself and her…pardners. I’m shutting you down, Ghost Town. In fact, I’m gonna run myself outta this town. When I wake up from this dreamy nightmare in the morn, I’m gonna get on my horn—
CASSANDRA
Sounds to me like you’re already blowing it. You seem to be under the impression that this reconnection will result in an instantaneous resurrection of our relationship. That’s both spooky and kooky. Besides, I wasn’t out of your mind and I am not out of mine.
TORI
You’re really making short work of me, aren’t you?
CASSANDRA
You’ll thank me in the long run.
TORI
Long run. We could have had one of those, Cass. We still can. I didn’t end anything, remember? So technically…(realizing) technically I’m still dating—or, more accurately, invalidating— everyone I’ve ever dated.
CASSANDRA
Perhaps if you proceed with terminating those pardner-ships officially, and reaching out to me consciously…someday I’ll cease interrogating, humiliating, and Cass-tigating you and consider communicating with, associating with, and even…exonerating you.
TORI
So…I have a ghost of a chance?
CASSANDRA
Only if any and all future ghostings are performed posthumously.
TORI
If that means you’ll go from purge-a-Tori to laud-a-Tori [laudatory], you have my word.
CASSANDRA
Good. Because if I have your word and my way…you’ll never work—anyone over emotionally—in this town again. Curtain.
Artist:

Allison Fradkin (she/her) delights in creating satirically scintillating stories for the stage and the page. An enthusiast of inclusivity and accessibility, she freelances for her hometown of Chicago as Literary Manager of Violet Surprise Theatre, curating new plays by queer women; and as Dramatist for Special Gifts Theatre, adapting scripts for actors of all abilities. In addition to writing, Allison has a gay old time vintage shopping, jewelry making, and tending to her thespian tendencies.
Follow: To learn more about this absurdly adorable gal, please visit allisonfradkin.blogspot.com.
This is definitely adorable. And for anyone who’s ever experienced the horror of being ghosted…appropriately vengeful. 😉
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Haha well said! Thank you for your awesome comment!
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