Adorably Horror Series – Allison Fradkin

GHOST-IT NOTES 

SYNOPSIS 

When it comes to ghosting, Tori has a habit of going to town. Which is why she ends up in Ghost  Town, where she is taunted, daunted, and haunted by her ex-girlfriend Cassandra. Will the  reconnection spark a resurrection of their relationship? Or will Tori insist on remaining a ghost about-town? 

CHARACTERS 

TORI 

any age 

female-identifying or non-binary 

open ethnicity 

witty and gritty, flirtatious and vivacious 

CASSANDRA 

any age 

female-identifying or non-binary 

open ethnicity 

classy and brassy, testy and zesty 

SETTING 

Purgatory (sort of). 

TIME 

The present.

At rise, CASSANDRA is present—and primed for a confrontation. TORI enters. 

CASSANDRA 

There you are! I’ve been waiting. Not for you. Anymore. I’ve been waiting tables. That’s short  for I’ve been waiting to turn the tables—on you. What’s the matter? Do I look like I’ve seen a  ghost? Well, good, I should—because I did. You look similarly spooked, which is  astronomically asinine, because I’m no ghost. I’m Cass. 

TORI 

That isn’t short for Casper? 

CASSANDRA 

Well, I am friendly. However, I am not comparably colorless, bigheaded, or prone to fright or  flight. You don’t recognize me, do you? Can’t put a name with efface? Specifically, with  someone who’s effacing you? No surprise there. You are, after all, beyond the pale. 

TORI 

As in the pallor typically associated with apparitions? 

CASSANDRA 

No, no. Beyond the pale isn’t short for anything, although it does bring you up short, doesn’t it?  

TORI 

Not for long. Speaking of bad timing, am I not long for this world? Or am I just, you know, dead  to the world?  

CASSANDRA 

The world? Please. This is a guilt trip, Tori, not an ego trip. I’m afraid you’re just dead to me.  And countless others. 

TORI 

(flirtatiously) So…do you see dead people? 

CASSANDRA 

I am not, have never been, and never will be that desperate. 

TORI 

But I am a ghost and you are seeing me—for observational purposes. Is that accurate? 

CASSANDRA 

Well, this certainly isn’t where you go when you die…al [dial]. Or text. Or even email. This is  where you go when you…go without saying.  

TORI 

Saying what?

CASSANDRA 

Good-bye? Hello! Welcome to Ghost Town. There’s a new sheriff in it. Put ’er there, former  pardner. 

TORI 

No, thanks. My hands are shaking enough as it is. Cass, if you’re trying to scare the crap outta  me— 

CASSANDRA 

Not the crap, Tori. The crappiness. I too have undergone a successful disrespectomy, so I  speak—and critique—from experience. 

TORI 

You were a ghost? 

CASSANDRA 

In a past life. Now that you’re finally here, it’s time for me to pass on—what I’ve learned. 

TORI 

We could always share the shame. 

CASSANDRA 

Sorry, toots, this is a one-ghost town. 

TORI 

And I’m the Town Ghost? 

CASSANDRA 

Which, by default, also makes you the Village Idiot. It takes a village to raze—that’s r-a-z-e,  FYI—a childish ghost. 

TORI 

The other vengeful villagers are where, exactly? Waiting under tables at the Motel 666? Come  on, pitchfork ’em over and let’s get whatever this is over with. 

CASSANDRA 

You’re not in hell, you little devil. You’re in Purge-a-Tori. 

TORI 

Purgatory. 

CASSANDRA 

Much like the ghosted—or the ghostee, if the ghoster would prefer—“purg” is nonexistent. That’s why we’re going to purge a Tori. This is your chance to expiate your execrable treatment  of your exes.

TORI 

Atone it down, would you? 

CASSANDRA 

Scarecrow. 

TORI 

What’s that short for? Scared to eat crow? 

CASSANDRA 

Yes. 

TORI 

I’m not scared. I just have a lot of exes and therefore a lot of…owes. Exes to whom I owe an  apology. And why, out of all of them, have you come back to haunt me? 

CASSANDRA 

You want a comeback to haunt you? All right. You may have been the one to leave me hanging,  but I’m the one that got away. 

TORI 

So this is all a revenge fantasy? 

CASSANDRA 

Bingo, bozo. And it’s all yours. I see right through you, Tori. Well, not like that. You’ve been  pulling this out of sight/out of mind crap for how many years? Well, you know how long it’s  been and, more importantly, you now know how wrong it’s been. You feel—what was the word  you used—shame? 

TORI 

Yes, I regret the way I ended things— 

CASSANDRA 

You didn’t end anything. You deserted a ’ship that wasn’t even sinking—’ship being short for  relationship, of course. One minute you were dating me, the next you were invalidating me. 

TORI 

I know, and I’m sorry. But it never would’ve worked. 

CASSANDRA 

It was working. Until you quit. 

TORI 

I had to. What I did was despicable, okay? But it was also preemptive, precautionary—

CASSANDRA 

Preposterous? 

TORI 

You would have fired me eventually. 

CASSANDRA 

Why? So you could collect un-enjoyment? That would have put me out of work too. 

TORI 

Are you saying I sabotaged everything for nothing? 

CASSANDRA 

Everything with everyone—but none more so than The One That Got Away. All caps, all that— 

TORI 

All in? I’m ready to give up the ghost…ing. It’s time to purge the Tori who never thought twice  about being thoughtless but who always had second thoughts about herself and her…pardners.  I’m shutting you down, Ghost Town. In fact, I’m gonna run myself outta this town. When I wake  up from this dreamy nightmare in the morn, I’m gonna get on my horn— 

CASSANDRA 

Sounds to me like you’re already blowing it. You seem to be under the impression that this  reconnection will result in an instantaneous resurrection of our relationship. That’s both spooky  and kooky. Besides, I wasn’t out of your mind and I am not out of mine. 

TORI 

You’re really making short work of me, aren’t you? 

CASSANDRA 

You’ll thank me in the long run. 

TORI 

Long run. We could have had one of those, Cass. We still can. I didn’t end anything, remember?  So technically…(realizing) technically I’m still dating—or, more accurately, invalidating— everyone I’ve ever dated.  

CASSANDRA 

Perhaps if you proceed with terminating those pardner-ships officially, and reaching out to me consciously…someday I’ll cease interrogating, humiliating, and Cass-tigating you and consider  communicating with, associating with, and even…exonerating you.  

TORI 

So…I have a ghost of a chance?

CASSANDRA 

Only if any and all future ghostings are performed posthumously. 

TORI 

If that means you’ll go from purge-a-Tori to laud-a-Tori [laudatory], you have my word. 

CASSANDRA 

Good. Because if I have your word and my way…you’ll never work—anyone over  emotionally—in this town again. Curtain.

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Artist:

Allison Fradkin (she/her) delights in creating satirically scintillating stories for the stage and the page. An enthusiast of inclusivity and accessibility, she freelances for her hometown of Chicago as Literary Manager of Violet Surprise Theatre, curating new plays by queer women; and as Dramatist for Special Gifts Theatre, adapting scripts for actors of all abilities. In addition to writing, Allison has a gay old time vintage shopping, jewelry making, and tending to her thespian tendencies.

Follow: To learn more about this absurdly adorable gal, please visit allisonfradkin.blogspot.com.