Follow His Work:
I wake with weight of the world on my chest.
I look at the ceiling and ask why lifeʼs a mess.
These days iʼm wanting to sleep more and wake less,
because my day to day is feeling more and more like a test.
i get out of bed and go on a walk.
so i can be outside and be alone with my thoughts.
i know i know… i should probably try and talk,
but every time i DO my throat STOPS,
and i COUGH irrationalities
and faux maladies to follow SUIT.
talons that tear at your mind remain its lethal weapon,
and it takes no days off not even for one second
it rages like a cat thatʼs feral and it hurts to the bone.
the pain seeps to the marrow, parents tell you your thoughts are overblown.
the cuts on your wrists,
your parents insist,
are a phase of being a kid.
but now that youʼre big the cuts on your wrists twists past your ribs, climbs up your spine, then lines your mind where the new cuts sit,
but i have time.
iʼm coming back from my walk 15 minutes till nine
so about 8:45.
the weight on my chest has grown a little light,
and iʼve gathered all the pieces of my life
that i could find.
but to say iʼm fine, would
just be a lie.